My father is up getting photos together for my brother's brand spanking new office. Erhm -- it's 8:30 in the morning...
BTW-- my brother's a fuckin brainsurgeon. And, apparently they are here, at the house.
They never tell me anything anymore. 'Tis the season of being shuffled out of the room due to awesome sibling being back in town. Sigh.
Anyone else have this issue?
I'm the youngest of my siblings, the oldest being the male and a doctor make things difficult to live the remaining years of the parents having children as he now has two bouncing kids.... their artwork is plastered everywhere in the house. Not throwing a pity party playing the violin, but I knew this would happen. ... this whole 'paren'ts not talking to me at all about anything' thing, when everything important lives outside the house...
Guess it would make things easier when I move away, for good. Oh, excuse my emo teenager mood. It's inevitable at the moment. Better go see what's going on upstairs.....
(8 minutes later) Aaaaand he's gone. And mom is looking at me with the 'don't be mad at me' eyeballs.
I guess what would have been on the agenda of today's topic has now switched over to something more relatable -- Parent Favoritism Syndrome. Where parents make it very known they have a favorite child and hold no restraint to jump over the moon to assist that child in whatever they need out of them -- all the while leaving the other children ignored, in the corner, wondering what's wrong with them.
It's not fair to blame all my insecurity issues on this, but the last 10 minutes of life have reopened a wound I hoped had healed. (If only I was smarter...if only I was normal... if only I was the doctor in the family... maybe they'd love me, maybe they would have faith in me... maybe if I was more successful they would help me reach my goals if they could...blah blah blah and my mind eats it up)
When was the last time my folks asked to spend time with me, or go somewhere? Hell, my father still hasn't asked to spend one-on-one time with me, and we're going on 27 years now. But, in all honesty -- who doesn't have daddy issues nowadays. It feels too easy to point the finger at dear ol' dad and say "IT's ALL YOUR FAULT" but.... what if a lot of it is at the lack of work in the father department?
He was never one to raise me and my siblings. The biggest memory I have of him is everyday, when he spends hours sitting with the television. Since I've grown up and am currently close to them, living-wise, I try to engage my parents with food -- mom used to love cooking and my dad loves what I make. Now, they never ask for anything, and the last time I did make something (my birthday cake) my mom had a half a slice. It's fuckin rum cake, c'mon... Or movies -- they go see movies all the time, and I love working on them... but I am not making my living off of films, so it must be a failing dream. Or hobby. No one works on film to make money...
I feel underappreciated, and ignored. My family is better off not having me around, that's clear. So, I'm not around. I'm just their strange child artist who currently lives in their goddamn basement.
I can't wait to get out of here again. I need to go where I am loved and needed for who I am.
So, what's your story? How do you deal with sibling shit? It's not even coming from them, it's from the people who made us. I don't see my brother for a year, and they couldn't tell me last night he was stopping by today? Really..?
Ok fine. I'll continue to soldier on, working towards what the direction I am given -- to go out the door, not returning til I bear them grandbabies.
Which will never happen.
At least I have art.
Art loves me back.