He wanted me to describe my SNEEZE. It was for an allergy company, based out in lovely Canadia... (yes, that's how I've been pronouncing it thanks high school drama class n' I'm stickin' to it)
So, insert phone dialogue of me attempting my damndest, to sneeze on command. Let's call the rep "Bob"
Bob: So, Alicia, describe your sneeze: are you a loud, boisteroius sneezer, or would you say you're more dainty?
Me: Well, I am a three-time sneezer, I can't sneeze only once in a session, it's always three. And they're dainty, but they end with a very high-pitched sqweak. Usually whoever is around me like's to mock me by cooing afterwards.
Bob: Well, do you feel a sneeze coming on, by talking about it?
Me: No, I cannot say I feel a sneeze coming on yet.
Bob: Do you have some pepper near to you, perhaps in your kitchen?
Me: (in bed, half naked, rubbing my eyes, dreading the stair-skipping parkcore run I'm about to make on the phone) One moment, please... (RUNS like the mothafuckin wind to get pepper) Ok, I have the pepper.
Bob: Ok, why don't you try putting a little in the palm of your hand... and inhale deeply, you should feel a sneeze coming on. Please tell me if you're going to sneeze, ready? Three, two, one
Me: (snorts a pile of pepper up nose, and all it does is makes my nose start running like a faucet. Of course, no go.) Uhm, *sniffles* well, no sneeze yet, although I'll try again. (snorts more pepper)
Bob: Ok, well, do you have a toothpick? If you delicately tickle the inside of your nose, you should feel a sneeze coming on. Please tell me when you're going to sneeze.
Me: (in my head: who the fuck keeps toothpicks in their bedroom? One moment, I have a q-tip?
Bob: Good, take the cotton part off one end of the q-tip, and try tickling the inside of your nose.
Me: (jamming the plastic inside my nostrils, no sneeze, just a ton of reaction-triggered mucus...)Uhm, not quite yet... hang on.... getting something here...
Bob: Please tell me when you're going to --
Me:ATCHOO--atchoo-atchoo ..... ...... Like I said, three times. Did you record it, by chance?
Bob: No, are you able to sneeze again?
Me: (in my head: REALLY) I can try again with the q-tip?
Bob: Well, you sound like a perfect candidate, how about we try back in a couple of days?
Me: Oh, ok. Thank you very much for viewing my profile on Mandy.com and for your interest in auditioning me for this project.
Bob: Thank you, Alicia, have a good afternoon.
Me: You too, thank you.
.....is sneezing a fetish now, or can I just go on assuming that was a wacky but legit audition that was held? What are you into, Canadia.......? Freaky shite.... So, weirdest audition as of yet. I get cast in some pretty awesome roles, and never got asked to do anything out of the ordinary, really.... that could be ordinary for me, and very strange to some, so... nevermind on that statement.
I also tried to start editing a demo reel on my new Windows 10 system. After several hours of trying and tweaking, with only importing audio and no video.... I threw my arms up in the air and went and worked out. If I could put something together on my old laptop, why the hell can't it work on 'newer, better' technology? PS-- if you DO know a good editing software designed for kinda-tech-savvy peeps, please drop a line. I'd rather try this on my own right now and see how far I can get before pissing myself off and finding my salvation techie to splice me up instead. Hehehehe....
AND ONE MORE STRANGE THING: my STARmeter on IMDB.com has skyrocketed up to the 18,000s and I really have no idea why... besides being connected to a few awesome movies, I'm certainly not getting the work and exposure to make this happen, so THANK YOU UNIVERSE FOR THE SIGN -- I'M JUST GUNNA TAKE IT AS A SIGN... that I SHOULD be acting, I am MEANT to produce and relate and serve mankind and the gods through my body and mind, prostituting myself for art. Yep. I said it. We're artistic hookers. And we love it.
And if I was that kinda chick, I wouldn't mind having sex and getting paid for it.
But, I'm not.
I can act like I'm killing somebody, or having a mental breakdown, or steal your girlfriend, or simulate sex, and get paid for it....
At least our hearts are in it, right?
Anyway. Thought you would enjoy the silly audition story, this is a light-note way to end a weird, glass-half-full-but-slow-progress day...
A toast to the coming of Autumn!!!