Still scared to jump. Still terrified at growing older, growing up. But it's nice that I can realize and am aware of more in my life and surroundings to wake up and change something before it's too late. At least I think so, before it's too late.
What makes you terrified in life?
People are getting married and having babies. People I partied with in grade school, people I've shared many a funny moment behind the stage curtains. A lot of friends are moving in a general "American Dream" story, which doesn't necessarily mean they're 'ahead' of us who don't share that dream.... it's just a different path in life. You take yours, I'll take mine. No one can choose it for you, and we can't blame our stupid decisions on others. We grow up, we own up, we pay our fuckin dues hoping they WILL pay off in the future.
I can do this. I can. And I'll be a better woman for doing so.
I dunno. I see a lot of my female friends going out, and pursuing their dreams. Most are older than I am, The ones who are not, are considered very fortunate in my eyes, and I want to know how they are financially able to do what they do. Money is really the only thing keeping me back at the moment, so hence the reason for pulling two jobs.
Get the car.
Get the headshots.
Save up moneys.
MOVE THE FUCK OUT.
A dear friend told me several months ago how much of a blessing it is so be able to live and save money, a.k.a being back at my parents. It is, it really is. The things I have learned even in several months, about life, about the self, is more than I ever expected. Realizing how important family truly is, the respect of loving my body and not dependent on drugs or alcohol, but on my goals...it's a big change, and I hope I can help others or inspire others to get clean. Or, focus more on who you want to be instead of escaping who you are. ... good song line, I'll have to use that. But seriously, love yourself. Stop escaping and hiding in the bottle or blame it on the fried food. Take responsibility, we only get one body so make it a good one. I just love to cook, and I love food. It's kind of showing on me. But I guess that's what looking healthy is about to most. Damnit. Not gunna lie, it was a nice feeling to not feel my inner thighs touching whenever I walk. Egh.
Dear Modern Society,
Thanks for drilling the Barbie Figure into my teenage head thinking it is what to strive for. Fuck you very much. Hugs and kisses.
So last night, went to Founders, and hung out with musicians and artists and painters, it was a very cool atmosphere to be a part of. Feeling everyone's energy, all buzzing around the pool table, all bursting with ideas and creative sharpie art, which good beer and live music, had such a pleasure being a part of a group of pure talent. Those kind of nights are lively when it's nice out, and live music. Always, always go to the bar with live music over a fuckin VJ or DJ or whatever the kids call themselves nowadays.
My little man (cat) is bitching at me. Better get off.
In summary... Love Yourself, we can't all be Barbies and Bodybuilders, but we CAN be US, unlike everyone else. ;) XO- ADC