Anyway. (You'll be seeing lots of "anyways" in here)
There is a difference between lyrics and poems, more than the obvious audible difference -- when read, when sang... delivery makes a difference. But there's more to it, where the heart dares to go when speaking of its truth, and what is better left on the page rather than sang. Or, I am just looking into things too deep once again. Maybe not, after all truth is to each his or her own perception, so anytime anything is shared, it means something a little difference in everyone's brain.
I haven't written a song in weeks, oddly enough because I haven't been in a terrible emotional rut in a while (which I am grateful for). As an artist, we need to suffer to feel relief, we need to know dark so we live in the light. For some inspiration, I browsed through my Brain Book -- words written down, most have melodies to them for my future album, some are words inspired to write down for future thoughts and present examination. And, for one reason or another, I shared a ironic poem I wrote a few months ago, and shared it with someone who it is about because in my heart, some things want to be shared at the right time or it's own time. In good time. And instead of panicking about my impulsive move, I am happy with my action.
I found another bundle of words I wrote down most recently. Be kind, and know that these are original things which I am happy to share. And if anyone uses them, I will find you, and most likely castrate you.
Anyway. I'm no Amanda Palmer, but my head does hold some questions, and I like words. I'm a fucking actor. Words are tasty.
Anyway, anyway. Ok. Here goes.
The richness in medals, in memories
Reflect a shallow shine in the deep deep
Depth you heart not dare to tread alone
Secure the vault install your veins
Insure tonight you hold your own reigns
Craving all the love to leave you
Crazed because the heart will bring you down down
Soul give me strength shelter me far away from here
The longest road detouring from fear
Can we soldier on from our pain and remain
Two brains connected without a home
The journey far into the unknown the known please
Take me as yours
Take what you want
Give me you and I'll gladly give you me
The reason you hear me gives me the reason to Be
I leave this to be pondered in your own brain, take it into whichever direction you wish. I love open interpretations, and if you have something on your mind from reading this, fuckin hell! Feel free to share and comment. I do love hearing your two cents.
When I get my mobile instrument and learn to play, I will be uploading free videos of me performing my originals, as me in whatever costume or no makeup, in my dungeon. My cats may make a cameo as well.
But who doesn't love kitties...
So I was at the pub last night watching two killer bands "TOKYO MOROSE" (local) and "SISTER SPARROW & THE DIRTY BIRDS" (Brooklyn, NY) OH MY FUCK these girls could sing! Totally lit a fire under my ass to get writing and singing again. My lyrics are pretty good, I've been through some interesting moments that have warrant to be expressed and sung. Interpreted and shared to help those who need something or someone to relate to. Not saying it's all happy sunshine and jumping baby goats, it's the pill you swallow to help you focus and breathe life back into reality. Oooh... that's a good line.... ANYWAY!
Point is, support talent and go out and see a show if you can. Most local shows are only 5 bucks, and especially if you don't know the band, go out and enjoy some music you may find yourself loving and dancing to. You never know what is out there until you go looking. Going to see a show is my weekly Artist Date, where I go out and be inspired, sharing creative energy and what it means to be alive. So, save your money, treat yourself to a show and a drink. It's a lot better than ordering fast food and watching movies all fucking night. Go. Out. And. Live. Life. The energy I felt last night all around was vibrant and teaming with happy auras, good spirits, and unanimous animated fun on the dancefloor. Plus, I have inherited a new girl crush on the lead singer of Sister Sparrow (oh goddamn she be sizzlin'). I talked with her before she went on stage, very tiny like 5'4", big blue eyes, very mousy quiet demeanor. When she got ON stage, she came alive, and you never would have imagined that saucy minx was the mousy chick just 3 minutes earlier. I love seeing people transform when they are in their element; it reminds me of the best high in the world -- being on stage singing and performing. It was a rockstar night -- if you got connections, always be nice to everyone you meet, karma may smile on you in the moment. I got to have a few beers and enjoy an amazing concert basically for free last night. (Thank you Universe!) But, I promise you, you will be seeing me on stage and in front of the camera in the very near future.
Three hours later it is a surprising and yet sobering fact to know you really just cannot invest in other humans lives without detrementing your own.
Jared-- I fucking wish you did't jump. You were perfect. You were passionate. You were my everything before I knew how to feel it. He was a being who knew how to read me to a T. I would kill to make him feel again, but unfortunately I was too much. Every second you prayed in a grateful spirit even though I was too naive to realize what you were talking about. Life is confusing. I am sorry I was not smart enough to realize what you wanted to give. I wasn't ready. Not sure if I should live or just pass on, because it is an argument. In my mind. What the fuck should I do? I remember the last time you stroked my shoulder like it was forbidden silk, I chose another after you, it was.....
I can't explain.
At this point I'd rather die than explain.
Yes. I have a trust problem in humans. How do you work up a relationshipt when trauma a;ways ensues?
There is no way out.
There is no way to identify yourself beyond your given number. Social security brand. Society, as a whole we are... completely fucked. But I refuse to be a whore and fuck anybody. My brain and body are beyond that. For the rest of you, should be glad I refuse to publically dispute my opinion on freedom and free whatevers.
Have fun sticking it to the man fuckers. <3