I sound like a stoner. ... (hehehe)
Sniffing out the tracks where my thoughts keep trailing to... I think I'm getting to a point where I am very aware of mortality, not in a morbid way, but in a more inspiring way... to realize that yes, you're going to eventually die, do you want to look back and know you did everything you wanted to, or at least tried? No regrets, only grateful for an awesome part one played on the world's stage... So, the free-spirit in me was all like "PARTY TIIIIIME!" and the 'responsible' one was all like "oh fuck, I have to get my ass in gear!" So, of course, as a turn to for an overdose of realizing ones footprint in the sand is like a grain on a beach... of Carpe Diem... No fear...
But, we need to take a wrong turn some how, to make destiny happen. Even though we have no clue what's going on.
The universe is expanding and collapsing right now.
Mother Nature is pissed at us.
And we sit here and whine about some post on Facebook that 'ruins our day'.
At times, when my head spirals for too long I get too caught up in a dive to getting paranoid about the ending of the world, and how much I still want to do, and no clue how much time I have until I pass to the next dimension...
I guess it's that time of year.
Jared committed suicide 2 years ago tomorrow. I must pay my respects to him, so I'm making a visit there tomorrow. It's still painful, but I am at a point where I can accept that maybe, he would want me to think on the wonderful things, and celebrate his life by being ok. He'd want everyone he knew to be happy.
Getting back to the previous thought, I have been wandering without my journal. So I had to make due with what I could get. One night, when the bartender wasn't looking, I tore out a sheet of the "bar book" (it's a blank journal that people can write in and be creative) and wrote... the second time I went without journal AND ink, and I felt naked.
But, I had my lucky sharpie. And then got creative with the receipt paper and a worn down almost-used-up order forms.
I can't summarize, so I guess I better just type it in
It's so heavy, this feeling that we throw
Twists in pleasure, never better than it'sname
Is it seeing ever reeling, a change remained
A loss for the better
Part of who you yearn to be, a part of you
I deny to see
Breathe down to mellow shell this
Hollow melting scheme
Against this face to replace the sinful
Book on your shelf
Loosen up the gaze
The look to replace all that remains
To the common grind to search to find
A meaning of a life we wish our own
Let the beating commence, string the
Pressure unyielding brings night dealings
See your future stray as you misbehave
And the wheel it turns,
It fucking turns.
#2 Who says what it equals, action with consequence without though
A heartbeat -- a second to choose what is to perceive a sinful reality
Innocent in a sense
All a scent, a trigger
To justify life for a finger to cut off fed to your skeletons in the closet
A space to let the right sin in -- implode on humanity
We know it as a word. Words flow from our cascading tumultuous thoughts
It's the drop of a thought among the stream hitting skin of a soul when acknowledged
A sweet act of acceptance, ringing, freeing though
To let to -- no fear -- no shame -- a breath -- a choice -- a move.
Why question or regret what took not time to make into an action?
Take a breath, it is your to have like a choice
So take what you'll get
Who wants the end, the wall to a decision when this is in this time
This fucking reality
I live in dozens of dimensions. I feel no regret.
I feel a thirst to sieze life and conquer consequences
I challenge the being who disagrees. I challenge to meet the fate so pondered upon.
Is it happy -- is it what you want?
Then fuck the ending.
Life your script.
And on that note, tell me your thoughts. <3